the end is in sight

Maternity leave officially ends one week from today. There is a small part of me that is excited to get back to work. I have to admit I do like my job...I work with a lot of very cool people who I miss seeing on a regular basis. I like my boss-I like the work-I like having a little sense of urgency-I like the routine. HOWEVER, I am dreading the part where I have to leave this baby for an entire day...a series of entire days that go on and on and on. I get a sick feeling whenever I think about it - so let us stop thinking about it.

I am so glad I took four months off. I started my job a couple weeks after graduation, and before that I was either taking classes and/or working every summer-so I haven't had four months off in something like twelve years. So being at home was definitely an adjustment, but it was so worth it to get to see my baby grow. I have been filing away the mental images of a newborn Eli sleeping on my chest like a little tree frog-images of that tiny newborn face that has already matured so much. I am filing away memories of that newborn baby smell. I love to stick my nose in the little nook of Eli's neck right under his ear and take a big inhale. I am filing away mental images of his first laughs. That's the good stuff of motherhood.

I had a long list of goals to accomplish over maternity leave, the majority of which have not been accomplished. I don't know what I was thinking... I guess I thought a newborn baby would just be there while I got all of these things accomplished. It didn't occur to me that that newborn would actually need anything from me...or that I would be so infatuated with that newborn that I wouldn't leave his side. So I haven't quite finished the spring cleaning. I have not been studying for the CFE (certified fraud examiner) exam. I brought home sarbanes-oxley literature to read, and I have not taken it out of my bag in four months. I got ZERO work done. And I have no regrets. I spent the last four months soaking up the joys and challenges of motherhood.

So now I have one week left - I'm trying to see the glass as one week full rather than 16 weeks empty. Pete is in a show that rehearses at night, so thankfully, we get to spend the days as a family this week. We have a list of activities to wrap up the maternity leave...

1. go see the new Hulk movie. Eli has been to the movies with us twice, but I think he'll probably have to hang out with Nana during this movie - too loud. Eli generally does great at the movies. I wear him in a sling and feed him before the movie, and he sleeps through the whole thing.
2. have a family picnic at the lake
3. go hiking
4. take a long drive
5. bring my Eli journal up to day and update Eli's baby book
6. have a july 4th cookout
7. finish spring cleaning our bedroom
8. force myself to stay positive

A picture for fun: